pensieve by jehsee

mosquitopress:

Atty. Jo Imbong and members of the Saint Thomas More Society stalk Paris Hilton outside Malacañang Palace

Paris Hilton’s arrival in Manila has caused an avalanche of reaction — but few are as violent as the reactions from Atty. Jo Imbong, Executive Director of the Saint Thomas More Society.

At 10 a.m. today, Imbong posted a message on the social networking site Twitter, calling Paris Hilton “the devil”, and asking her followers to gather near Malacañang Palace, where Hilton was meeting President Noynoy Aquino.

By 11 a.m., the entire membership of the Society had amassed at Mendiola — all ten of them, bearing wooden stakes and crucifixes, and calling for Hilton’s head.

“Paris Hilton is a temple of sin!” said Imbong as she addressed the gathering. ”Her catchphrase ‘That’s hot,’ sends innocents into the fires of hell!”

The breach

By 12 noon, the Society had breached the gates of Malacañang by threatening Palace guards with excommunication. The guards were discovered hours later, cowering in fear.

Several members of the Society then built a pyre on the front lawn of the Palace, as the rest of the group pledged allegiance to their patron, Saint Thomas More, a 15th Century lawyer known for torturing heretics and burning them at the stake.

At half past 12, Imbong took a megaphone and started chanting at the direction of the Palace. “Domine, serva nos a vaginae Paris Hilton est,” she said. “Pati nolite hirundo filios nostros. Et placet, dona nobis catulus.” (“Lord, protect us from Paris Hilton’s vagina. Do not let it swallow our children. And please, give us a puppy.”)

Palace reaction

Inside the Palace, the situation was tense. President Aquino, fearing the safety of his new acquaintance, asked Hilton to stay the night. Hilton responded, “No.”

Meanwhile, Communications Secretary Edwin Lacierda invited Atty. Imbong to a “dialogue,” but Imbong declined, stating that Lacierda had already been “touched by the devil,” and that any contact with him would “only spread the ‘devil-ness’.”

As of press time, a standoff still ensues. With the Saint Thomas More society unwilling to budge, operations inside Malacañang have come to a halt. Aquino refuses to leave Hilton’s side, and is now two hours late for the re-opening of the Burdeos National High School in Quezon, which had been destroyed by a massive flood.

Students of Burdeos are still waiting for the President’s arrival. — Mosquito Press